We’ve discussed the ultimate taboo topic — death — in numerous posts. A few years back, we took it a step further, highlighting people who knew they were close to death and decided they wanted to participate in the life celebration their friends and relatives would hold once they were gone. Which of course meant holding it while they were still alive. It’s a unique way to die with dignity, and apparently a growing trend.

Last month, a Japanese businessman with terminal cancer threw an “end-of-life” party to rival the best holiday celebrations. Satoru Anzaki hosted the bash for 1,000 of his closest friends, colleagues and former schoolmates. “I have enjoyed my life very much. I am satisfied that I could say ‘thank you’ to people I encountered in life,” he told the BBC.

Talk about a great attitude! And it had positive repercussions: one of his former employees revealed that he is also ill, “so it got me thinking how I want to live the rest of my life.”

Preparation Redux

We’ve examined financial preparedness, estate planning, finding humor in preparing for the inevitable, and even the more amorphous aspects of acknowledging our mortality and prepping for our eventual end.

But it’s still not a common subject for general discussion, despite the growth of Death Cafés worldwide, which are just what they sound like: gatherings over food and drink to discuss death. More than 5500 Death Cafés have taken place in 52 countries since September 2011. Obviously, a substantial subset of the population is ready to talk about dying. So it’s time to get specific.

Death and HECM Discussions

One LO, who lost an elderly family member late last year, offers some wise words for how reverse mortgage professionals can help broach this delicate topic:

“It seems to me essential that those left behind have specific instructions regarding disposition arrangements. In our case, all the arrangements had been made and costs prepaid, so it was easy to simply comply.

“Hospice had been involved for some time with her desire to remain at home. Interesting how that all works. Once she succumbed, Hospice sent a nurse out to certify death and then notify the mortuary, which came out to collect the body in a very short time.

“It is a real loss, but we all face things like this until it becomes our turn.

“It is normal in a Reverse interview to mention the need for legal preparation of the documents needed, like wills or trusts, but maybe it should now become a part of that discussion to ask about after-death arrangements. There may be special needs or requirements based upon religious beliefs, or relocation from paid-for plots for burial, etc.”

How Veterans Can Save Money at the End

Yes, burial is expensive. William Fralin, founder of Chronic Care Advocacy, points out that while many people invest in life insurance “specifically for the purpose of paying for it,” there’s a burial benefit available to veterans, along with their spouses and dependents, through the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs — and relatively few people know about it.

If the veteran and/or spouse are to be buried in one of the Department of Veterans Affairs’ 135 national cemeteries, the U.S. government covers most of the associated costs. (Cremated remains are buried or inurned in a national cemetery with the same honors.) Because “it isn’t possible to reserve a grave in a national cemetery in advance, the family can either contact a funeral home to assist them with making arrangements at the national cemetery or contact the National Cemetery Scheduling Office to schedule a burial. The family will need to present the Veteran’s discharge papers in order to do so,” notes Fralin.

Regardless of whether the veteran and his/her spouse are buried in a national cemetery or a private cemetery, any funeral service held in the individual’s honor is at the family’s expense.

Complete information on these benefits and how to apply for them is available at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Administration site.

Broaching the Subject

The LO who recently lost a family member suggests bringing up death wishes with clients this way: “The question could be posed in a gentle manner such as ‘Have you already made arrangements for yourself upon your death?’ Investigating prepayment options will help stave off inflationary future increases and lessen the emotional stress for those left behind.”

Your HECM clients may not want to throw their own farewell party as they approach the final doorway, but knowing their specific wishes will go a long way towards making the transition smoother for everyone involved.