The holiday season is a time to celebrate the blessings of life with family and friends. Yet it’s also a time when we can fall into the trap of miswanting that sabotages our happiness.

What is miswanting? Miswanting is the tendency to misjudge what will make us happy. It’s the illusion that certain things or experiences will bring us long-term happiness when, in fact, they may not.  Just ask any kid who got their dream toy Christmas morning only to abandon the gift in favor of something else a few days later.

Miswanting. If I get blank- then I’ll feel happy. Not necessarily. A few examples of miswanting include:

• Getting that new truck or car
• Buying a new home when your existing home meets your needs
• Losing weight or getting that ‘ideal’ body
• Getting that super fast beautiful computer
• Taking that dream vacation
• Marrying your ideal mate…the perfect match

The human mind is great at imagining a future where having what we want makes us happy. However, this mindset is flawed as it ignores the multitude of reasons to be happy that we already possess and the challenges we’ll still face in that ideal future. It can be said that happiness isn’t so much a state of mind but an ongoing practice, says Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos. And she’s right as after we get what we want we will always revert to our baseline of happiness and then seek the next experience. 

So how can we rewire our thinking to avoid miswanting? Santos suggests five strategies:

1. Prioritizing quality social connection
2. Other-orientedness (focusing on others)
3. Gratitude
4. Savoring experiences
5. Exercise

Our minds play tricks on us and miswanting is just one. Emphasizing the value of our experiences, seeking opportunities for gratitude, and reshaping our expectations is perhaps one gift we can all give ourselves this holiday season.