Our Mother’s Keeper: Part 3

We’ve discussed it before, but it bears repeating, especially because seniors themselves are often loath to admit they’re growing older: there are certain situations where it’s wise to get expert guidance before a reverse mortgage client or prospect may actually “need” it.

Here are four areas where seniors (or the person with Power of Attorney) should consider reaching out for advice in advance. 

1. Aging in place. We’ve focused on various aspects of caregiving but not its potentially astronomical cost. Even a healthy senior needs to plan for in-home assistance in the event they live to a ripe old age — or experience an event, such as a fall, that necessitates temporary assistance. According to Genworth Financial, the average annual cost of a home health aide is $45,760. A certified financial planner (CFP) could be an excellent guide for both seniors and the family members who are helping them plan ahead.
2. Retirement planning. A vast majority of the 76 million Boomer retirees and soon-to-be retirees (which includes a healthy number of reverse mortgage professionals) are planning for an active lifestyle once work no longer takes center stage, as we focused on in this retirement resource guide. It’s also critical to make sure the numbers in your bank accounts and other financial resources can support the lifestyle and years a senior has left to enjoy. A CFP and accountant/CPA are both worth consulting as seniors or those in midlife look toward the future. One financial planner urges people to sit down with a retirement planning expert no later than age 40.
3. End-of-life care. Does a senior want palliative and hospice care, a DNR (do-not-resuscitate) order, or every possible medical intervention when they’re seriously ill or close to death? These are issues many people refuse to face; yet having such information on record can prove vital if the patient is not able to make their wishes known. The Office of Chronic Care Advocacy recommends consulting with an Elder Law and Special Needs Law attorney to ensure someone’s long-term care and end-of-life care planning are accurate, complete, and up-to-date.
4. Estate planning and asset protection. We looked briefly at estate planning and the importance of proper beneficiary forms in order to avoid financial snafus. This is especially important for high net worth individuals. An Elder Law and Special Needs Law attorney should be able to draft an estate plan that analyzes the effect on a loved one’s public benefit eligibility or tax status, says the Office of Chronic Care Advocacy. They will also network with professionals in allied fields, such as a financial advisor/certified financial planner to assist with investment strategies, or a geriatric care manager to provide a care assessment and help source and select appropriate caregivers if needed.

Looking for more reverse mortgage news, commentary and technology? Visit ReverseFocus.com today.

Part 2: The Upside of Caregiving

Nobody wants to think about losing his or her mind — or to see this happening to a parent, other loved one, or a reverse mortgage client. Yet dementia is on the rise, along with the burgeoning elder population. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, one in three seniors will die with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia; the disease increased a staggering 71 percent between 2000 and 2013. In 2015, more than five million Americans were dealing with various stages of Alzheimer’s disease.

Clearly, mental decline calls for assistance, either in the form of assisted living, or, as most elders prefer, remaining at home with in-home help, commonly referred to as a caregiver. And dementia is just one of a panoply of age-related conditions that may necessitate caregiving. Others include declining mobility am dexterity that may mean a need for help with personal care such as bathing, shaving, or dressing; reduced ability to perform daily living tasks such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry; and vision or hearing loss that can make living alone at an advanced age dangerous, for both the senior and for those with whom they interact.

Yet caregiving poses its own set of potential problems. Unless a senior or their family opts to hire a caregiver privately, or goes through a home care service (which screens home health professionals and matches them with a client’s needs, assuming responsibility both for paying the employee, and replacing him or her in the event it is not a good fit), this duty usually falls to a family member. Typically, that’s an already stretched daughter or daughter-in-law — who is not only unprepared for the role, but may be dealing with her own health issues.

Changing Our Perspective

Last month we explored some of the challenges facing family caregivers, not just at holiday time but as a general circumstance, and suggested steps reverse mortgage professionals can share with clients, prospects and a senior’s family to create more ease. We’ve also taken a look at some of the visionary technologies that are providing a respite for caregivers. But we haven’t explored the sunny side of caregiving — until now.

Is there really an upside to caregiving? Sixty-something Doreen Cox embraces that perspective. She began keeping a journal when she became her mother’s caregiver, and was encouraged by relatives to publish it after her mother’s transition. Adventures in Mother-Sitting rings with the humor and deep compassion that having lived through this experience engenders, much as Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?, Roz Chast’s depiction of her parents’ decline and deaths, illumines these difficult subjects with both beauty and poignancy.

Cox describes what it was like being called “Mommy” by the woman who raised her, and how, during her three years of full-time Mother-sitting, she learned to accept and revel in “my messy, human responses. I say, ‘revel’ because I had spent a lot of years trying to rise above those messy kinds of responses to calamitous situations. Revel does not mean that I take delight in being angry or frustrated or furious or disdainful. Revel means that I take delight in just being a regular human being who is doing the best that she can in any given situation.”

Cox journeyed through an emotional roller coaster of grief intermingled with surprising instances of connection, not only with her childlike mother, but also with her innermost self. She writes, “There were two things dementia could not destroy: my mother’s sweet spirit and her in-the-moment joy.”

This is the upside to caregiving, demystified by a daughter who took the role to a level beyond simply loving and caring for her mother during her end-time. To journey deeply into one’s own psyche and emerge wiser and more compassionate is perhaps the greatest gift a caregiver can bestow on those they serve — and a potent example for us all.

Looking for more reverse mortgage news, commentary and technology? Visit ReverseFocus.com today.

How to Create a Support System

Aging in place is no longer news, but what’s been underreported is how to age solo: without a spouse/partner, children, caregiver, or other relative or companion living with you.

It’s especially challenging for men who lose their life partner; for many, it may be the first time in their lives they’re living alone, which can be a daunting undertaking in one’s seventies, eighties or nineties. Hal Spielman recognized the need for a support system when his own wife died, and launched Suddenly Solo: A Lifestyle Road Map for the Mature Widowed or Divorced Man, in his eighties.

But the issue of aging alone goes beyond widowhood or divorce. A study published in The Gerontologist found that about one-third of 45- to 63-year-olds are single, a whopping 50 percent increase since 1980 — and most of those have never married. Single, childless “elder orphans” are more vulnerable economically, socially and physically than their connected counterparts. Lonely and socially isolated seniors are more likely to experience cognitive decline, and to develop mobility issues, heart disease, and other health problems, the study found.

Seniors can create solutions to solo aging, however. The key, as with considering whether and when to apply for a reverse mortgage, is refusing to be an ostrich about growing older, and choosing to plan ahead.

Here are several solo aging tips to share with your reverse mortgage clients, prospects, and any other seniors you know who could benefit from greater support in their lives:

1. Prepare early to live independently. One woman has been active for over thirty-five years in a multi-generational women’s group whose members pledged to care for one another as they grow old. She joined the group when she was thirty-three. Now 70, retired and active in her community, she counts her women’s network as a lifelong tonic. The friendships the women have woven over the years have sustained group members through numerous personal life crises as well as celebrations.
2. Consider relocating. College towns can be ideal for retirees, because they’re usually walkable, and often provide good public transportation as well as affordable dining and recreation — not to mention a built-in source of potential assistance. There are also a growing number of communities that offer a plethora of technology-assisted living resources, from transportation to yard care, grocery delivery to home care.
3. Hire (or start to interview) a Personal Assistant. An elder may not need a caregiver now — maybe ever — but an on-call assistant might be just the ticket to change those hard-to-reach lightbulbs, be an extra set of ears at doctor’s appointments, or to cart home and shelve a load of groceries. A long-term care advocate outlines some simple, smart steps for choosing a caregiver — rebranded as a “personal assistant” — that a senior can rely on for the long haul. An elder law attorney provides a more formal set of criteria for choosing a caregiver when this level of care becomes necessary.
4. Practice resilience. Eating well, exercising, keeping your brain sharp and continuing to learn all go a long way towards making solo aging less lonely. Reaching out to others across the age spectrum is also a smart move. Isolation is not confined to the senior set, and a young person struggling with major life decisions may welcome a senior’s wisdom and experience. Bonus: both may make a new friend in the bargain.

Looking for more reverse mortgage news, commentary and technology? Visit ReverseFocus.com today.